You'll do anything other than looking for a partner online—watch mindless TV, clean the bathroom, read your junk email, or even call your mother. You freeze up and question yourself over and over when it comes time to meet someone for coffee, to make the next call, date or move on to the first kiss.

     Sound familiar? Well it's all too common, especially if you’re a freshly minted single person.  When you find it hard or even impossible to date, even though you’re lonely and hungry for a romantic connection, you have what I call Dating Anorexia. Actually most singles have at least a touch of Dating Anorexia.  We experience fears that stop us dead in our tracks—instead of saying hello to the cute guy on the train or the hot girl who works in the office we get tongue-tied and run the other way.  When it comes time to find a photo for our profile, we see nothing but pimples, warts and just how big our nose really is. We write and rewrite our emails to prospective partners, trying to be more clever, more real, more funny or more whatever that mysterious quality is that attracts a cool partner. And when we’re on a date with a good-looking (make that threateningly hot) partner, we get tongue-tied or start babbling the stupidest stuff in the world.

But there is hope.  First, realize you're not alone--most of the singles you meet have been through this. Second, you have to understand that falling flat on your face is part of the process of getting out there.  It's OK to sound stupid, look unattractive or ridiculous.  You need to start biting off small chunks--forcing yourself to write the email, no matter what is sounds like, daring to smile at that hot person walking down the street.  And opening your mouth to say something, anything. If you see someone you like, say anything. Anything at all.  And once you jump in, you'll be surprised at what happens.

Just do it.  Because if you do, you will be surprised at how quickly you get into the swing of things and over your dating anorexia.

Dr. Diana